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Monday, May. 30, 2005 - 10:08 p.m. AGING WINE My last entry ended with my mentioning of receiving the phone number of an attractive young girl. I had no idea how old she was and guessed that she was early-college aged. I originally was not going to ask for the number, except for the fact that I was almost forced to by some old lady I did not know. If logic prevails, I should waste no time dating this girl if she is under 20. Odds are, given her state in life in contrast to mine, any sort of relationship would not work. In the end, I would appear as some older male only seeking “one thing” from her. Actually, the thought is quite humorous and ironic to me, since due to my inexperience, I am the last guy on Earth seeking the “one thing.” In that vein, I have rationalized making an attempt to get to know her and ask her on a date. The reason is twofold: first, I need more dating experience, and two, I need to get comfortable getting to know younger women like herself because I seem to avoid them at all costs, unlike the college men I have met through the church on campus. I have recognized a pattern in my dealings with the college students at the church. I get to know some male students who initially assume I am a student myself, mainly because I am perfectly comfortable around guys. We befriend each other, hang out from time to time, and, over time, become really close. Before long, these male students graduate, and they are working young professionals living in the Baton Rouge area just like myself. The five or six-year age gap then becomes insignificant. Such is the case with a friend I am working with in creating the ministry who was a student 3 years ago when I began frequenting the church. Such is the case as well with two other guys. In fact, I will be standing in the wedding of one next June. I remember getting in an argument once with the therapist I was seeing when I began this diary. He insisted that my consorting with college students was not the proper way to build my social life. In contrast, I insisted that, over time, consorting with students may be of good use to me. After all, they would eventually graduate. To some degree, he was correct; I did not want to be consorting only with college students. But the way I see it, in a college town like Baton Rouge, there really is not much going on for young adults outside the college lifestyle. If I were in a bigger city, like when I lived in Houston, he would have made more sense. So back to my original point--I am perfectly comfortable around some college guys and have really created friendships with them due to their tendency to be more mature than the stereotypical irresponsible, party-going, non-religious frat boys. However, my dealings with students of the opposite sex have not been so comfortable, mainly due to my own pent-up anxiety. The truth is, if I were half as successful creating friendships with the college girls as I have been with college guys, I would probably have to fight them off me. And the only reason that this situation is not the case is my abject refusal to fraternize with college girls, mainly due to fear of physically attractive women. Therefore, the reason I desire to date this girl is not because I really expect any sort of long-term relationship. My goal is to expand my comfort zone around women like herself so that if one day I do meet the right person, and she happens to be in college, I would not have made the mistake of being too chicken to approach her. I called the girl on Sunday but caught her in the middle of when she was moving out of an apartment, so I said I would call back later. I plan to call her tomorrow night, hopefully setting up a date this weekend. And I plan to avoid divulging my actual age as long as necessary. |