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Sunday, Oct. 10, 2004 - 10:45 p.m. DEVIL DARE Since I am now 28 years-old, still have yet to kiss a girl, and of course, have never had sex, I have been thinking. First of all, according to most Christian religions, premarital sex is considered to be a sin. So it would stand to reason that because I remain a virgin before I am married, I stand well in God’s graces. I would then suppose the converse would also be true. My virginity does not make the devil very happy, and he should be doing everything in his power to make me lose it. Of course, due to my truly questionable religiosity and tendency toward nihilism, I think this scenario of good versus evil to be quite absurd. But at the same time, I have to ask myself why have I been so involved in the church and so “steeped in prayer” on retreats over the past few months, even going so far as to create a church group for young adults. Perhaps some of this religious activity is beginning to rub off on me, and I am beginning to see a spiritual side I have never explored before. I suppose long ago I gave up on putting my faith in God in order to lift me out of my dregs of loneliness and finding love. So what little supplication I have offered, I generally have avoided this entire issue. But the supposed battle over my soul seems to contradict the problems I have been have having. If losing my virginity outside a meaningful relationship is so bad, and the devil has been tempting me, why over the 28 years of my existence has the opportunity never presented itself? This reason is why I remain nihilistic in my approach toward romantic love. I suppose my approach will stay this way unless I am proven wrong. In fact, in so committing another sin, I am attempting to prove myself right. At one point in my prayerful retreat last weekend, I challenged the devil to help bring about the conditions to rob me of my prized virginity, feeling certain that with my experience in the past, he could not. Today I returned to the Lebanese restaurant where I asked the waitress for her phone number. She was there and she seated me, trying to flirt with me the entire time. She went on to compliment how I looked and talked and talked about her life, including her dogs and her one cat. She even went out to her car to find pictures to show me but could find none. Each time she would walk by me to serve another customer, she would be sure to brush me in some seductive fashion. But the highlight was when she showed me three of her four cat tattoos, one in the center of her waist above her buttocks, two big pronounced ones on her ankles, and pointed to the one that stayed hidden under her inner left thigh. I have to admit, from a physical standpoint, she looked more incredible than I remembered. Her body is sculpted like a model’s and she has not an ounce of cellulite for being 24 years old. Her face still maintains the innocence that initially fooled me into thinking she was much younger. And though I am not a big fan of tattoos, especially black cat tattoos, there is a certain enchanting dark quality she seems to exude with her virtually flawless body, dark hair, blue eyes, and knee high black boots. Oh yes, I do remember mentioning she could possibly be a call girl. Now she probably sounds like a stripper. In the eyes of a 28 year-old single male, though, she may be considered something worse: she said she is going through a divorce. Still married mind you; but going through a divorce. I would have to think that dating a woman like this, even while she is still married to a man she said is doing everything to get her back, would be an incredible mistake, one even bigger than dating a stripper. By the way, her voicemail is apparently overflowing because she sells Mary Kay. I left the restaurant full knowing I wanted nothing to do with her, but she trailed me out. She began by asking me to call her, but she stopped and said she would call me. She then asked for my number. I hesitated, but I gave it to her. She said she would call me as soon as she got the new phone number for the place she is moving to. Whether she ever calls me, I do not know, and in the end if she does not, I will not care. What makes me nervous though, is if she does call. I know what she wants. She probably wants the same thing that physical therapist I saw in New York wanted: I go on a date with her, I romance her, and we have sex. She is desperate for intimacy due to a failed marriage and a nice guy like me is an easy target for her release from feeling unloved. She seems pretty determined too. But the question remains, how on earth do I reject the advances from a woman so demonically beautiful? I suppose if God has a since of humor, the devil does as well. Although, the more likely possibility is that she will never call me, just as she waffled the first time. Then my challenge to the devil will be upheld, and I will remain a virgin for the time being. However, if she does call, I think I might date her, first to give the devil his due, and second to see if I am still right. At the very least, I would have a good story to tell. |