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Monday, Mar. 29, 2004 - 10:06 p.m. IRRATIONAL PROBLEMS I have heard that in order to have a social life with the opposite sex, you must first have a social life with those of your own sex. I am pretty certain I can get that social life when it comes to members of my own sex. Most guys who first meet me think I am nice and easy going and, if they are worth anything, they certainly see my value as a friend. It is just a matter of my opening up to them. Women that I do not know, on the other hand, though theoretically they should not be, seem to be much more difficult for me to approach. I have no idea why. This is the key issue when it comes to my meeting women. It is just a matter of confidence, or in my case, my lack thereof. I simply have absolutely no confidence at all. None. Nada. That is why I cannot get a girlfriend. I have simply come to this conclusion. I cannot just walk up to a girl I am attracted to and talk to her because I am an unconfident fool. It is all quite silly actually, especially when her looks are not what ultimately will attract me. But I cannot even get to step one, which is just go up, introduce myself, and start a conversation. All the while I am saying this, anyone who knows me outside of this diary thinks I am the most obstinately confident person they know. They know that I have my own set of beliefs and that what others think does not easily sway me. They know that I am prepared to defend my position on anything and that I have the will to defeat anyone who challenges me, if I truly want to. So, when I get into a conversation with a girl, I should have nothing to worry about in terms of her ability to put me to shame mentally. All she can do is look shallow and immature in the process. Of course, I do not mean to have a debate or antagonistic conversation with her. This is not the type of confidence I am speaking about. For some reason, I can stand up for my principles but I cannot stand up for myself. The confidence I need is the strength to project myself as I am and to not even worry in the least bit what others think about me. If I can somehow instead focus this confidence that I possess in these other areas toward the area of my own self-projection, I would be approaching women left and right with absolutely no fear at all. I have not been to a psychotherapist in months. I am reluctant to go because I do not believe I am getting my money’s worth when I go. I feel I get better advice just calling my older brother on the phone. However, I may reconsider. If confidence is my issue, then therapy is the only solution I can come up with. I simply see no rational reason at all why I should be so unconfident around women. In my case, it appears to be an irrational problem that requires an irrational answer. |