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Sunday, Mar. 23, 2003 - 10:21 p.m. LIVING WATER I woke up today about noon and not soon after I got a suprising phonecall. My therapist called to see if I wanted to cancel my Friday appointment after what we talked about after my last therapy session. He wanted to clarify what he meant when he said that he might not be able to help me. The issue was that because he was older, he was not certain he was "in touch" with my age group in terms of where I could meet eligible women. He had exhausted all of his suggestions, and, if I could not find a "millieu" where I could meet and easily form relationships with women, the behavioral therapy could not be effective. His suggestion at the end of last session was that I find a younger therapist, one that can more readily identify with my age group, perhaps even a female therapist. I looked up a few of the younger therapists out there, and I could not schedule an appointment because they were totally booked. I then told him that the problem was not him, that he, like I, was getting frustrated with this predicament, and that we ought not sever our ties. He was "in touch"-I just did not have my big break yet. So we agreed to simply make my visits less frequent until this drought ends. I will continue my efforts to find new avenues to meet eligible women. The day was sunny and beautiful, a little warm though. I had to go outside to wash a bucket that my carsick mother vomitted in several months before. It had been sitting in my kitchen with puke caked in on the bottom of it all that time, until I finally noticed. I assumed my dad had cleaned the darn thing out. I washed some clothes and watched some NASCAR and war coverage. The reality of war was finally hitting home. Soldiers were dying. Sunday evenings in lent are marked by the church service I must attend so that I can guide a new convert into the faith. This was part of the therapeutic strategy-to get involved with a local church in order meet women. In this case it's a church at a local university. Interestingly I am not altogether that religious. I do not pray all that often. I even strongly question the existence of God. But that's a discussion that can take up more than a diary. Instead, I do my best to help this college freshman girl along her path. My religion is not the issue. It is hers. I just follow the orders of the people who trained me. Call it insincere if you want. But then I question you--are you holier than thou? I walk my path and you walk yours. Then we will burn in hell together, if there is a hell. I have no intention of making any move whatsoever on this girl. I am eight years older than she is. I am not all that attracted to her physically. I carry an affection for her, but only in a sisterly way. So do not accuse me of using God to take advantage of vulnerable women. The session after the service ended with the theme how I would be "Living Water" to others. I said that I would be find new ways to minister to the needs of others, a.k.a., find new ways of meeting women. My goal is far from being met. But my mission continues. |