|
|
Saturday, May. 08, 2004 - 11:56 p.m. MISSED OPPORTUNITIES Over the past few weeks, I have been doing several small out-of-town assignments that require me to haul files and suitcases to and from my car and the office I am temporarily working out of. Unfortunately, that office is on the second floor of the building and requires me to carry those files and suitcases down a flight of stairs in order to reach my car. As impatient and macho as I can sometimes be, I have always managed to strap all that stuff onto a luggage cart, and then when I get to the stairs, I just carry it all in my arms. Stupidity would eventually catch up to me, and Friday I learned my lesson. Toward the bottom of the stairs, I lost my balance and went tumbling down, landing square on the side of my hip. The sudden bruise was painful, but I was able to bounce right back up. However, that bruise has left my entire left leg feeling strange all weekend, though I seem to be walking fine. In the past, I have experienced countless weekends such as this one, where I come to visit my parents and do absolutely nothing, but oddly, much like my how my leg feels, this loneliness I feel as a result is more like a sudden bruise than the anguish that seems to have lingered in years past. I had originally planned to attend a church dinner in Baton Rouge this Saturday evening, but my father called me late in the week asking if I would like to come to New Orleans to go fishing with him on Saturday. This conflict annoyed me because I knew that if I came to New Orleans for this Saturday, I would miss out on the opportunity to go to this dinner and meet new people, whereas I could go fishing with my Dad at any time. I hesitated before I said yes to my father, but I did, and I drove to New Orleans Friday night instead and had to forgo the church dinner. Of course, with the preschool teacher in town, there could have been the opportunity to go on another date with her this weekend. However, I thought my brother would be coming to New Orleans tonight so I did not make any plans so that I might spend time with him. Moreover, I am starting to feel awkward dating this girl because I am not sure I like her, so I really did not feel like going on a date with her this weekend. Instead, my brother ended up spending the night in Baton Rouge, of all places, to hang out with his roommate from medical school. I made an effort to contact my Houston roommate, but he also appears to have left town. In result, I was all alone tonight, doing nothing tonight except watching “Hannibal” on CBS with my mother. I am upset with myself for several reasons. First, we had little luck fishing. Second, I could have tried to postpone the fishing trip until tomorrow morning. Instead, I could have gone to that dinner and had the opportunity to make and reestablish contacts. Then tonight I could have had the option to cancel the fishing trip altogether, and I could have stayed in Baton Rouge and hit the town with my brother and his roommate and then drove into New Orleans tomorrow for the Mother’s Day dinner. Another reason I am upset is that I missed this opportunity to date the preschool teacher again. If I had known earlier my brother’s plans had changed, maybe I would have called her for a date. As far as I am concerned, even a date with a woman you are not in love with is still a valuable learning experience, especially for a person as inexperienced as I am. But what bugs me most is what happened to me yesterday night when I went to Wal-Mart to buy cheap sunglasses for my fishing trip. I was wandering around Wal-Mart and out of an aisle come this drop-dead gorgeous blonde in tight jeans walking right by me. I looked at her and kept walking in the opposite direction. What is my problem? I cannot afford to do that any more! I do not care how awkward it is for me to just walk up to an attractive woman that I do not know and attempt to start a conversation. If I am ever to meet women, that is exactly what I must do. I must be willing to risk everything, even total embarrassment, because I essentially have nothing to lose. My reluctance to take risk is the main reason I have yet to find a girlfriend. When it comes to meeting a woman, I must act first, and think about the consequences later. As a sidebar, the community college girl from harmony has just informed me that she has already been engaged twice to two different men. She told me this in an e-mail at the same time asking me about any previous serious relationships I might have had. I answered her honestly, stating that I lack experience in serious relationships, citing my career and earlier bouts with shyness as the main reasons why. How she will answer my response, I do not know, but I hope she does not have in store for me some sort of rebound she is experiencing. I can conclude as well that she probably has been sexually active in the past, which has its advantages and disadvantages in a relationship with me as well. Like I said in an earlier entry, I doubt a relationship could work between us, but I would certainly be interested in gaining the experience dating her. However, I find unusual her delay in response to my most recent email to her, and I am not sure how to interpret the delay. Tomorrow, I will likely sleep late, clean a couple fish in the afternoon, go to the Mother’s Day dinner tomorrow evening, and drive back to Baton Rouge to prepare for another office trip out of town on Monday. Monday night I plan to call for the first time the pharmacist my coworker wants to set me up with. I have procrastinated too long when it comes to calling this woman. If I keep procrastinating, I likely experience another missed opportunity. I stand to take a nasty tumble again, and that strange bruising sensation will continue. |