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Saturday, Sept. 20, 2003 - 10:03 p.m. MY BANEFUL BRAIN My brain is the bane of my existence. It also defines that existence by interpreting the reality that surrounds it and creating the imaginary world that lies within. It gives me the power to reason, the power to feel, the power to love. It also has the power to rip my life to shreds, turning me into an emotional freak show. It is the source of my genius, the cause of my stupidity. It is a rocketship with enough technology to reach the moon, but not enough to know how to land when it reaches its destination. It is a two-edged sword with no handle, a life preserver on a chain. My brain thought about itself as I drove back to Baton Rouge from New Orleans this evening. Actually, I was planning on driving back home tomorrow. However, I had accidently left my Depakote in Baton Rouge and the pharmacy in New Orleans wanted ten dollars for just two pills. I figured that I might as well just drive back a day early as I was not planning to do anything the next day in New Orleans anyway. My superiors asked me to take today off because they thought I was working too much. I did not argue with them. It gave me the opportunity to do what I otherwise could not do. So I went fishing. If I have a love in life, it is fishing. That is why I visited New Orleans. My dad brought me fishing this morning. However, we met little success. We only caught a couple of fish. Needless to say, I remain exhausted after long hours of work this week and waking at 5 AM this morning to go fishing. I plan to sleep in late tomorrow. I have let my internet dating accounts expire as I want to refocus the attention of the experiment on building social networks. I simply do not see how a quick internet date will ever help me to grow in the area of interacting with people in a normal atmosphere. For example, when I date a girl off the internet, we go on a date, and if there is no mutual interest, a friendship just does not seem like a possibility. We just do not know each other well enough to be friends. It would be nice to become just friends, but you both are likely to say good-bye and move on to the next date, because dating, not friendship, it the main item on the agenda. I would like to carry on about other issues affecting my life right now, but I am afraid this baneful brain of mine is too exhausted. Perhaps I will be better rested tomorrow and can add another entry. |