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Sunday, Sept. 07, 2003 - 1:20 p.m. THE CASIO I feel rather blah today. I sort of feel like I did when I was a kid and I asked Santa Claus for a nice, top-of-the-line Yamaha keyboard and got this chincy 12-inch long Casio keyboard instead. Then, if I were not thankful for the Casio, I would be made to feel terribly guilty for it. My therapist insisted to me that I should go on a date with any woman no matter what, even if I were physically unnattracted to her. She also insisted that these women I did not initially find physically attractive, could indeed, through other means such as personality, attract me. I have allowed myself to be open to this suggestion. After all, if I am to get involved in the Internet dating scene, or a singles group for that matter, I have to come to terms with the fact that the women in these groups are mostly going to be physically unattractive. For the most part, this has been true. Except for the physical therapist, I have found none of the women I have met online or in the singles group to be physically attractive. It stands to reason why the women that frequent such circles cannot get a boyfriend otherwise. If these women expect me to like them, they had better have a fun personality or else I truly have no motivation for getting romantically involved with them. Such was the case last night when I went on a date with a library science graduate student from LSU, the "librarian" for short. Our communication online started when she was impressed with my religious convictions, or at least the convictions my online profile claims that I have. However, as I got to exchanging e-mails with her, I became impressed with her convictions mainly because I am attracted to women with strong principles. I had not seen a picture of her until we were well into long e-mail exchanges, and when I did finally receive her picture, I did not find her attractive. However, being true to my therapist, I asked the librarian on a date. When I first spoke to her on the phone, it did not seem like she was all that outgoing. I figured she was probably shy, but once she got to know me, she would loosen up. I picked her up last night at her apartment, brought her to DeAngelo's, and then brought her to see "Open Range." When we arrived at the restuarant for dinner, she set her purse on the table, and as customary date etiquette normally allows, I took the seat caddy-corner to her. Immediately she picked up her purse and took the seat of the table opposite me. That bugged the hell out of me. She may not have gone on too many dates before because she does not look like Claudia Schiffer, but she could have at least sat next to me. I find it hard to believe she was completely unaware that dates normally sit next to each other at a table. I tried keeping the conversation going as much as possible, but she was not volunteering information about herself or giving any good material to feed the conversation with. She told me that she was sorry and that it takes her a while to open up. Then I just said, "That's OK, I'll get you started. Ask me any question about me you want. I'm sure there is something about me you want to know." She paused and said she could not think of anything to ask. Like I said, if you want to attract me and you are physically unattractive, you ought to have a fun personality, or at the very least, be able to carry on a conversation. To be honest, I believe she was just nervous. I do not hold that against her, but that certianly does not give me extra motivation to date her again. I just sensed a lack of chemistry. What made me feel like I got a Casio for Christmas was the fact that there were so many good-looking women in DeAngelo's, I could not keep my eyes from wandering away from my date. It is costing me money to pay for these online dating services, and I am starting to hate paying for it. In fact, I would stop using these services altogether if my therapist did not want me using them. Work is continuing at increasing levels, and I am using this Sunday, the only day I am not working, to recover from it. The stress is getting very, very intense. In the meanwhile, I start another dance class tonight. Maybe I will get lucky and meet a girl there. Odds are that any of them will be more attractive to me than the one I dated last night. |