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Saturday, Nov. 08, 2003 - 9:52 p.m. THE SMOTHERED MOON I finished work and left about quarter till six, just as it was getting dark. As I walked out of the building and into the empty parking garage, I felt the surge of weekend loneliness blowing against me through the cool Mississippi River breeze. There among the void of concrete ceilings and pillars sat my car, lonely and desolate as I was. I pressed my key chain, got in my car, and zoomed down the corridor until I reached the exit. As I was leaving the garage, in the corner of my eye I could see a bright white medallion rising in the night sky, as though to claim its reign from its far more lucent predecessor. It was a somewhat familiar sight, only this time something about it made it stranger, less than perfect, almost wounded. Chewing its way through its side was a blurry blackness, forcing the moon to develop a crescent that its face normally refuses to create. It was almost like the moon was grimacing in fear, unable to prevent the blackness from stealing its happy radiance. When I reached home, I went to my back yard and moved to a position where I could find an opening through the trees through which I could gaze upon the lunar plundering. Alone I stood in my dark, silent backyard peering up toward the swaying branches, hearing an occasional dog barking in the distance. As time passed and the moon was fully covered, it resembled a burned piece of charcoal, as though the devil himself decided to extinguish its light. And there I was standing in complete darkness, in the now chilly air, staring at the sky as though as I were looking in the mirror. I am so exhausted from work right now, each time I actually do look in the mirror, I see the blackness below my eyes getting heavier and heavier. I look like a beaten mule. My coworkers see how beaten I am and ask if I am feeling OK. My answer is yes because I am one of the few people on the team that is not sick with something. I cannot say I am too tired because fatigue is just another expection of working on this project. Just as having no life outside of work is an expectation. The loneliness I am feeling right now is quite intense. I am a radiant being engulfed in blackness. I feel as though I have absolutely no freedom in my life. There is no one I can go to for consolation or venting. I have no friends to spend my time with, if I had any time. I have no possible romantic prospects. I simply feel like this working robot that a woman cannot love. Around 9:30 PM, the Earth had finished passing and the moon emerged again with its full radiance. Just as I plan to do, when this hellish project ends. |